Happy? Thanksgiving.

Yes, I think this really was a happy Thanksgiving.
It's only been years since our last really great Thanksgiving and now I feel we are slowly coming out of the mire.

My brother Kevin brought home his fiance Anna which was pretty awesome, I just love her! I think the added blessing of their new future together was a great distraction and reminder that life IS going on and we CAN make it through the pain to something GREAT and WONDERFUL! That it's ok, it really is all right to celebrate! Despite the ones we love being gone, we still have hope and joy.
It's hard to remember and see that through the emptiness and pain of loss.

I'm unfortunately not excluded from this emptiness, recently I found myself even succumbing to it. Jesus Christ has brought me through a lot of darkness and pain, but this time I wouldn't let him; I refused to turn to him. Mainly because I was ashamed of the path I had chosen. I chose the path that was familiar to me even though I knew it lead no where and at the end was self inflicted loneliness...emptiness...pain...death.

Now that I'm trying to get out it REALLY feels hopeless, even more hopeless than when I chose the path of shame. BUT I still haven't talked to anyone about this and that might be why. Yes I'm setting my gaze on Christ again but I haven't let anyone else in to encourage and help me along.

Hopefully I will get out of my own way soon before I miss what Christ has planned for this wretched life of mine that he has saved once and for all.
I just need to get out of my own way.
Easier said than done, BUT I WON'T GIVE UP!!!