Happy? Thanksgiving.

Yes, I think this really was a happy Thanksgiving.
It's only been years since our last really great Thanksgiving and now I feel we are slowly coming out of the mire.

My brother Kevin brought home his fiance Anna which was pretty awesome, I just love her! I think the added blessing of their new future together was a great distraction and reminder that life IS going on and we CAN make it through the pain to something GREAT and WONDERFUL! That it's ok, it really is all right to celebrate! Despite the ones we love being gone, we still have hope and joy.
It's hard to remember and see that through the emptiness and pain of loss.

I'm unfortunately not excluded from this emptiness, recently I found myself even succumbing to it. Jesus Christ has brought me through a lot of darkness and pain, but this time I wouldn't let him; I refused to turn to him. Mainly because I was ashamed of the path I had chosen. I chose the path that was familiar to me even though I knew it lead no where and at the end was self inflicted loneliness...emptiness...pain...death.

Now that I'm trying to get out it REALLY feels hopeless, even more hopeless than when I chose the path of shame. BUT I still haven't talked to anyone about this and that might be why. Yes I'm setting my gaze on Christ again but I haven't let anyone else in to encourage and help me along.

Hopefully I will get out of my own way soon before I miss what Christ has planned for this wretched life of mine that he has saved once and for all.
I just need to get out of my own way.
Easier said than done, BUT I WON'T GIVE UP!!!

Fall!

It's here! Ok at least it feels like it's here. I love fall! Cooler weather, football, geese flying south...
The Farmer's Almanac says we're going to have another whopper of a winter! I know I'm excited.

Well, not much going on here. Livin life lovin people. Yeah, that's if I can stop being selfish for one minute! Jeez!

On a serious adult note; I'm studying for the massage boards which I will be signing up for by December. Also shooting an e-mail to my Realtor about getting this house sold in a year...or less.
I have GOT to get out of here!
My dog sitting has been great! I get to watch one of my fav. dogs, Baxter, this weekend! Love that dog! And I just finished a two week stint with my dog friend Clover! OK I love her too. haha
I'm still hanging out, helping out, at First Family's youth group, I love those kids! They all just started school so we're praying... a lot!

On a not so adult serious note; bought Frodo a new toy which I discovered he likes so much he brought it with him to bed last night. haha Crazy cat.
I have some new neighbors in the house to the East of me, this house has been empty since the old ladies died a few years ago so it's taken some getting used to, but I actually talked to my new neighbor a little bit and they seem nice.
Man I need to mow the lawn!

Decided this year I'm going to not only be an ISU fan but will also be an Iowa fan! haha I must confess I love both teams, always have. So BOO yah! hahaha
It's honestly so silly.

Hmmm...Yeah that's it.
Just living life day by day, following God best I can until I meet Him.

Time for sleep because I am tiired.

Oh yeah...Love you!

Wendra

Mutant

Ok. So I've decided I can only take this independent woman, "I can do it myself," mentality so far. I can slaughter snakes, spiders, termites, heck I can even do the yard work and heavy lifting. But I draw the line at bugs the size of my thumb! MY THUMB!!!

I took care of the mutant bug because really, what else am I going to do? But as I disposed of said bug I was formulating a plan. I'm going to sell my house and move in with my friend who's husband is being sent away for a year.
God, please get rid of these heebie geebies, oh and PLEASE no more bugs!

Slowly but surely I'm cleaning and clearing out of this house. With two roommates and several deaths in the family I've accumulated a lot of stuff. I'm drowning here! And with a house this old and the basement unfinished there's waaay too much stuff down there, too many placed for the mutant bugs to hide and have offspring.

Oh God! Help! Please keep those things in the basement!

Well...

...wow! Lately I've been really annoyed, and I hate it! Just at little things here and there, I'm probably just really sensitive lately...probably...yeah. hahaha

A few of my friends that I see everyday are correcting everything I say! Even if I'm just stating an opinion and don't really know for sure. For example, I said, I heard on the news that it was going to rain. Response: I didn't hear that. I don't think it's going to rain. They didn't say it was going to rain. I heard it was going to be sunny all day.
Or maybe I'll say, maybe that cart is squeaking because you are turning the corner.
Response: But it didn't do it before and I turned the cart earlier and it didn't squeak.

Anyway, for some reason I have been letting this really get me down. I don't really say much around those friends anymore because I figure they're just not interested. I'm always wrong anyway.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHH!!!!!!
NO! I will NOT let them push me into an internal CAGE! I don't care WHAT they think. If they think I'm wrong, if they think I'm crazy, or just plain dumb FORGET what they think!
I have enough insecurities of my own and I'm not going to let them make me feel like this!


Sigh.

ok I'm off to a friends wedding. NO insecurities!

Love ya!

Great trip

I spent over a week in Great Falls, MT with my greatest friend Kendi, her husband Cory and their perfect baby Adley!
Thank you God for that time!

Well it turns out they really want me to move in with them...I still don't get it.

Had a great week spending time with Kendi and Adley and Cory, watching the show Dexter. Kendi always gets me addicted to some show when I visit her, last time it was Alias this time, Dexter. Which was fine since she was working most of the time and there isn't much to do in Great Falls. I got to play with Adley!

We didn't watch Dexter the entire time. We went to church, went to their small groups, played with Adley, shopped, ran errands and watched more Dexter. haha
It was great to finally see where they live and meet their friends. Kendi and Cory were so funny, they kept apologizing for being boring and not doing anything exciting. And I kept apologizing for not being more fun. I love those guys!

I was able to give Kendi mini massages and teach her and Cory some infant massage techniques for Adley. I hope they use it.

Can't wait to see them again.

Woot!

God is watching over me! YEEAH!
This morning I broke a glass in my hand! Praise God it broke in two big pieces instead of a bunch of little pieces in my hand! Woot!

IT’S SNOOOOWING again!!!!!! YAAAAAY!!!!!! I LOVE IT! If the wind chill wasn't -12 I would totally go sledding!


This weekend was pretty…craptastically awesome…if that makes any sense.

Friday night was blaah but hey at least I got the house clean.
Saturday I colored my hair myself for the first time, it doesn't look too bad; I got the kind that washes out in 28 washes just in case I screwed it all up.
Sunday I geeked out of church, oops, but the super bowl party was AWEsooome! We had walking tacos and they were great! Now I can’t eat for the rest of the week because I’m pretty sure I hit my limit on calories. ha ha riiight.

It was nice to get out and have some fun and the game was good!

Today went pretty well, we were busy even though a lot of people canceled because of the weather. I was able to catch up on a lot of work! And FINALLY it seems like people are starting to come out of whatever funk they were in, including me...then again...it is only Monday.



Well, I'm off go to make snow angels in the yard and do doughnuts in the parking lot.

Yep!

Last week I was checking in this sweet older couple for their appointment and I answered one of their questions with a "Yep." hahaha The old man said, "Yep? You must have come off the farm."
hahaha I told him well, sort of, my Mom is a small town/farm girl and my Dad is a city boy
I was raised by both worlds. hahaha
All I said was yep! And I'll say it again.

Yep!
It's time to move forward, I've been stuck long enough. I've already started cleaning and going through the house getting it ready to sell when I want to try and sell. I'm trying trying TRYING to read my massage books to get ready to take the boards so I have a trade when I move away.
And now after a lot of prayer, it looks like these are the next steps I need to take.
My brother is trying to get a job anywhere he can, Kendi and Cory are looking to move in the next year or so. My parents just want us to move somewhere warm so they can come visit. :)

God has a plan!
I'm still young! I'm single! I really am smart even though I don't always believe that I am.
I don't know what his plan is for me, I do know that I am not in line with his will hiding here in my house, in my job, in my old friends and relationships.
He's been calling me I just didn't always know what the next step was supposed to be.
Ok God, I hear you calling me and I will go....now what? I don't always need to know the next step I just need to move! To follow him!

Jeremiah 29
This is what the LORD says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."


I'm done trying to hide. Time to focus.

It's about friggin time!

Uuugh.

I mean yippeeee!!!! We're getting more snow tomorrow, that makes me happy! YAY!!! :)
Hey if you can't beat 'em join 'em! Especially when it comes to snow and you live in friggin IOWA where it's cold and snows all the time!

whew. ok.

Monday I got to cover for a lady at work because she was sick so I have a bit of overtime, YES! Tuesday I was sick but I went to work anyway; I survived barely. hahaha I did go home and go right to bed though and slept all night! Wednesday I was feeling pretty darn good.
We had small group again with the high school kids at church, that went pretty well. Except for the part where I cried at the end. boo hoo I was just tired so I'm over it. I love those kids! :)

Last night I slept incredibly well! I felt like I had slept through a whole day and was waking up on Friday...it IS Thursday isn't it?

Nothing new as you can tell from my meaningless rambling about sleep, crying and work.

I haven't worked on my workbook all week DANG IT! Probably tonight though, definitely tonight, then a little tomorrow.
I WANT TO DO THIS!

Ok off to work.

Tape on mouth

Today I really needed to put tape over my mouth! Wow! hahaha

My problem today was not so much diarrea of the mouth as it was I had nothing nice or appropriate to say.

Am I the only one that has days like this? ROFL

It was a rough morning for the front desk, a busy one, but we got through it with no fatalities. All the patients were checked in to the computer alerting the nurses they were ready, the insurance was updated, paperwork handed out and still someone complained. At the front desk in front of all the patients!!!! AAAARRRRGH!

I just apologized to him and went on my way....then went outside to scream.

There was a really sweet patient that overheard what he said and she reminded me "You can't please everyone." So true. I took a deep breath said a prayer and moved on.

Anyway the rest of the day was all right, just another day. I was continually praying all day that nothing stupid would come out of my mouth that I would have patience and compassion.
God is great! I did bite my tongue a few times.

That night was youth group and I was leading the high school girls small group time. woot woot!
I was able to share about a time when God worked in my life or used a situation in my life...wow there were so many. I did share about the fact that I needed tape over my mouth that day because I had nothing nice to say, I'm not perfect God is constantly working in my life and heart.
Here is the scripture we discussed.

Col. 3:8-17

^5-8And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It's because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn't long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it's all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

^9-11Don't lie to one another. You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete. Words like Jewish and non-Jewish, religious and irreligious, insider and outsider, uncivilized and uncouth, slave and free, mean nothing. From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ.

^12-14So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

^15-17Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

________________________

So, if any one masters this on the first try, let me know.

In our small group we picked out an attitude in these verses that we wanted to work on this year. Honestly, I need to work on them all.

(yeah, this blog is from Wednesday the 27th. i already typed this blog but the computer crashed before I could save it. haha)

Weeeee....SPLAT!

hahaha
Have you ever been doing something really fun having a great time, but then something bad happens?
Like when you're a little kid and you're spinning around on one of those rides at the park going faster and faster and you're hands slip off the bar...BAM!
That's what I feel like right now, dang it!
______________________

Winter Jam was a blast! I had so much fun running around with the kids, jumping and singing with the bands. And, I have to say this again, Michael Tate in the Newsboys is so weird and really cool! Newsong was pretty awesome, they sang "Arise My Love," it was amazing! I love that song! That reminds me, I have to google Newsong's lead singer.
Fireflight was there, they are getting better and better. Third Day was the main band and they were good but they played a lot of slow songs so... yeah I was falling asleep. haha

Wow my body hurts today! I got a pretty good work out at the concert jumping, dancing, singing, laughing! It was so fuun!

I was able talked to my brother last night, because I sent him a picture of a "Dip 'n' Dot's" vending machine that was in the skywalk. Kevin loves dip n dots!
He is doing ok, surviving, he applied for a job in Oregon! I told him to keep trying for Texas because they have waay better weather than Iowa or Oregon.

Work today was a little odd, everyone was grumpy because of the weather, the Docs had hardly any patients. Usually each doctor will see about 23 patients in a day, and today the average was 5-10 patients per doctor. Craazy!


I'm looking forward to driving home, hopefully I everyone is being smart on the roads.

diarrhea of the mouth

Yeah I know it sounds awful, you should have seen the looks on my high school girls' faces when I told them I had diarrhea of the mouth today. All they heard was diarrhea. hahaha I love it!
All morning I just kept saying what I was thinking which was a good thing until I said "man whore" in Sunday school. Aaaaaah! At that point I just covered my mouth!
It was no big deal though, I only said it to two or three of the girls around me.
We were talking about Soloman and how he tried to fill his life with stuff to make him happy; gold, silver, treasure, gardens, parks, houses, singers, and a heram. Well I happen to be reading in Genesis and said that I have been noticing how many of the men in the old testament were "man whores."

One of the girls wanted me to keep talking to see what shocking thing I would say next to get me in trouble. Aack! I ran for my life!

See, I was a bit of a hermit yesterday not talking to anyone when I probably really needed to. So once I got around people I was comfortable with I just started talking and talking and talking.
30 lashes for the man whore comment.

I think I'm starting to agree with some of the parents, that maybe the youth leaders should be a little older and wiser.
hahaha yeah I'm pretty sure I should have had some sort of training before I became a youth leader. ;) ;)

Tonight is Winter Jam! YES! It's going to be a blast!

I'm going to drink some water and take a nap and maybe take care of my diarrea of the mouth.

Well

Not much going on here, it's raining! Uugh! Where is the sun!? I need the sun!!!!! I've been pretty sad the past few weeks, I think I just need the sun. I had an idea that I was going to drive until I found the sun, but it looks like I would not see it until I hit Colorado or California! I might have to hit a tanning bed for a few minutes.

It doesn't look like we'll be going to Texas in February, so I'm going to Montana instead!
Yes I think Montana will be my next trip, hopefully. My closest friend in the world just had baby Adley Hayden Knop on the 19th of January she was 8lbs 1oz 20.5in long. So precious!
I can't wait to meet her!

Yesterday was the weirdest day at our clinic, all of the doctors were out of the office until Noon! Noon! It was like a ghost town! They were having a very important meeting. It was a really nice paid break for me! I got all of the front desk work caught up and I was able to do it in peace.
Once the doctors "came home" though things really started to pick up and I was pleasantly busy the rest of the afternoon dancing around the front desk.

Last night was pretty uneventful, I caught up on some reading and watched a movie. Then slept in this morning!

Now I've just been catching up online figuring out what is going on this weekend and what I need to do.
Winter Jam is this weekend! woot woot! We're taking the high school youth group!
http://www.hearitfirst.com/WinterJam/default.aspx
It's going to be fuun!

Well, I'm out.

Glass Door

The other day at work I was sitting at the front desk observing the people in the lobby. I noticed there was a young mother and her little boy waiting in the lobby for someone to get done seeing the doctor. The little boy I could tell was getting restless, he kept trying to run out the front door. There are two automatic glass doors at the entrance to our clinic and it's a very fun toy for little kids, running up to the doors to make them slide open.
Well, this little boy kept trying to run over to the doors to run outside and his mother kept getting up and running to catch him before he got to the doors. This went on for maybe 5min; the little boy would run towards the door, his mother would get up to catch him. The little boy would run, the mother would catch him. When finally the mother didn't get up to go after her son.
He was slowly inching towards the door, one eye on his mother and one on the door. He knew he wasn't supposed to be doing what he was doing and he was waiting for his mother get up and catch him. Instead she stayed in her chair looking at a magazine, occasionally glancing up at her little guy, inching towards the door. He continued towards the door and once his mother looked down at the magazine he took off running. BAM!!!! That kid ran smack dab into the door and fell right on his rear.
He sat there looking around, bewildered, not knowing whether to cry or to scream. His mother put down the magazine and calmly walked over to her son and stood over him as he was sitting on the floor looking around. He looked up and saw her standing over him; the look on her face was not one of pity nor was it a mocking glance of "I told you not to do that!" the look on her face was one of calm.
As he looked up to her, his forehead turning pink, his eyes filled with tears and he reached his arms up to his mother. She loving took him into her arms and held him close, kissing the little bump on his head. He nestled into her embrace and said, "I'm sorry Mommy!"


How often does Christ run after us and warn us not to run for that glass door, trying to tell us he can save us?
How often does he let us run into that glass door?
How many times does he lovingly take us into his arms, hold us close, and heal our broken heart?