DON'T delete your posts!!!

so, i deleted some things that i blogged...a while ago. i think i just wanted to put it out of my mind, forget that person i was trying to be and move on.
and now i'm wishing i would have just kept them private, instead of out right deleting them. stupid.

that's all for now, random i know but what can i say...that's me.

more later! fo sho!

aaand i have no life...but i'm breathing!!!!

i started talking to this guy, on facebook, no i actually met him briefly a couple of weekends ago and we didn't repulse one another. haha he was really nice.
we're just getting to know each other a little, sending short none descript messages about what our favorite movies are and what we do all day. yeah, we're both big nerds which is great!
his next question for me: what is your favorite book and/or Bible passage?

well that's easy, 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
but when I tried to remember why, i mean exactly why...i couldn't.
The reason is there, but it's been so long since I've poured over that passage I had forgotten HOW MUCH it meant to me.

2Corinth12:7-10
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I don't think I read it out of context or anything, but these days I'm not sure anymore. It's my favorite because I am weak, and when I am weak then I am strong.
Once I prayed for a "thorn" and I knew it would be painful and I might not make it through, but what that thorn made me do was look for strength and comfort again. And that strength and comfort is Jesus.

We love him because he first loved us.

I love you for never giving up on me, even when I give up on me.

Happy? Thanksgiving.

Yes, I think this really was a happy Thanksgiving.
It's only been years since our last really great Thanksgiving and now I feel we are slowly coming out of the mire.

My brother Kevin brought home his fiance Anna which was pretty awesome, I just love her! I think the added blessing of their new future together was a great distraction and reminder that life IS going on and we CAN make it through the pain to something GREAT and WONDERFUL! That it's ok, it really is all right to celebrate! Despite the ones we love being gone, we still have hope and joy.
It's hard to remember and see that through the emptiness and pain of loss.

I'm unfortunately not excluded from this emptiness, recently I found myself even succumbing to it. Jesus Christ has brought me through a lot of darkness and pain, but this time I wouldn't let him; I refused to turn to him. Mainly because I was ashamed of the path I had chosen. I chose the path that was familiar to me even though I knew it lead no where and at the end was self inflicted loneliness...emptiness...pain...death.

Now that I'm trying to get out it REALLY feels hopeless, even more hopeless than when I chose the path of shame. BUT I still haven't talked to anyone about this and that might be why. Yes I'm setting my gaze on Christ again but I haven't let anyone else in to encourage and help me along.

Hopefully I will get out of my own way soon before I miss what Christ has planned for this wretched life of mine that he has saved once and for all.
I just need to get out of my own way.
Easier said than done, BUT I WON'T GIVE UP!!!

Fall!

It's here! Ok at least it feels like it's here. I love fall! Cooler weather, football, geese flying south...
The Farmer's Almanac says we're going to have another whopper of a winter! I know I'm excited.

Well, not much going on here. Livin life lovin people. Yeah, that's if I can stop being selfish for one minute! Jeez!

On a serious adult note; I'm studying for the massage boards which I will be signing up for by December. Also shooting an e-mail to my Realtor about getting this house sold in a year...or less.
I have GOT to get out of here!
My dog sitting has been great! I get to watch one of my fav. dogs, Baxter, this weekend! Love that dog! And I just finished a two week stint with my dog friend Clover! OK I love her too. haha
I'm still hanging out, helping out, at First Family's youth group, I love those kids! They all just started school so we're praying... a lot!

On a not so adult serious note; bought Frodo a new toy which I discovered he likes so much he brought it with him to bed last night. haha Crazy cat.
I have some new neighbors in the house to the East of me, this house has been empty since the old ladies died a few years ago so it's taken some getting used to, but I actually talked to my new neighbor a little bit and they seem nice.
Man I need to mow the lawn!

Decided this year I'm going to not only be an ISU fan but will also be an Iowa fan! haha I must confess I love both teams, always have. So BOO yah! hahaha
It's honestly so silly.

Hmmm...Yeah that's it.
Just living life day by day, following God best I can until I meet Him.

Time for sleep because I am tiired.

Oh yeah...Love you!

Wendra

Mutant

Ok. So I've decided I can only take this independent woman, "I can do it myself," mentality so far. I can slaughter snakes, spiders, termites, heck I can even do the yard work and heavy lifting. But I draw the line at bugs the size of my thumb! MY THUMB!!!

I took care of the mutant bug because really, what else am I going to do? But as I disposed of said bug I was formulating a plan. I'm going to sell my house and move in with my friend who's husband is being sent away for a year.
God, please get rid of these heebie geebies, oh and PLEASE no more bugs!

Slowly but surely I'm cleaning and clearing out of this house. With two roommates and several deaths in the family I've accumulated a lot of stuff. I'm drowning here! And with a house this old and the basement unfinished there's waaay too much stuff down there, too many placed for the mutant bugs to hide and have offspring.

Oh God! Help! Please keep those things in the basement!

Well...

...wow! Lately I've been really annoyed, and I hate it! Just at little things here and there, I'm probably just really sensitive lately...probably...yeah. hahaha

A few of my friends that I see everyday are correcting everything I say! Even if I'm just stating an opinion and don't really know for sure. For example, I said, I heard on the news that it was going to rain. Response: I didn't hear that. I don't think it's going to rain. They didn't say it was going to rain. I heard it was going to be sunny all day.
Or maybe I'll say, maybe that cart is squeaking because you are turning the corner.
Response: But it didn't do it before and I turned the cart earlier and it didn't squeak.

Anyway, for some reason I have been letting this really get me down. I don't really say much around those friends anymore because I figure they're just not interested. I'm always wrong anyway.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHH!!!!!!
NO! I will NOT let them push me into an internal CAGE! I don't care WHAT they think. If they think I'm wrong, if they think I'm crazy, or just plain dumb FORGET what they think!
I have enough insecurities of my own and I'm not going to let them make me feel like this!


Sigh.

ok I'm off to a friends wedding. NO insecurities!

Love ya!

Great trip

I spent over a week in Great Falls, MT with my greatest friend Kendi, her husband Cory and their perfect baby Adley!
Thank you God for that time!

Well it turns out they really want me to move in with them...I still don't get it.

Had a great week spending time with Kendi and Adley and Cory, watching the show Dexter. Kendi always gets me addicted to some show when I visit her, last time it was Alias this time, Dexter. Which was fine since she was working most of the time and there isn't much to do in Great Falls. I got to play with Adley!

We didn't watch Dexter the entire time. We went to church, went to their small groups, played with Adley, shopped, ran errands and watched more Dexter. haha
It was great to finally see where they live and meet their friends. Kendi and Cory were so funny, they kept apologizing for being boring and not doing anything exciting. And I kept apologizing for not being more fun. I love those guys!

I was able to give Kendi mini massages and teach her and Cory some infant massage techniques for Adley. I hope they use it.

Can't wait to see them again.